I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
