a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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