did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
