so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
