do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
