Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize