As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
