I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
