Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
