What a fucking waste of an outfit
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize