Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
