can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
