He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
