dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
