I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
