How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Holy sore nipples Batman
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
