I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
