drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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