Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
