New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
