I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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