That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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