If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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