Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
