It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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