This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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