My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
