he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
