She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
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Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
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You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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