WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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