I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
