no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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