lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
