Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
