It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
