i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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