It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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