Cold hands, warm shart.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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