so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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