honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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