Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
