Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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