is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
