Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It's never too late to be topless.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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