ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
