There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
