Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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