haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
