I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Green mimosas i think yes
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
