Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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