watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
