Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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