I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
