Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
