Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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