how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
