dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
