I think i peed on brittanys purse
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
