I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
