need another drink. this is the easiest way
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
