i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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