I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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