I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
they need to just BURY HIM!
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
