im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
