Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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