If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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