The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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