She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
