are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
