Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
