How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
