if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
