I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
