I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
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I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
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Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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