Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you traded sex for a burrito?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
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